When I read stuff like this, about how it is like living in this world as a girl, I always feel like a different species or some kind of alien, because I never went through these kind of things. I've never experienced that the world expect me to be emotional and beautiful, in my life I've always rather been challenge to stand up for myself and to fight back, stay strong. To not let them get to you. I've never felt like people find me weak because of this or illogical nor vain, because even as a girl I'd like to think that I've proven myself not to be those things. And that people believe that I'm not has nothing to do with the fact that my genitals grow in and not out. 

 

Of course people cringe at people talking about their period (people, not boys) ofc they can't show blood on a tv comercial. The comercial is after all supposed to show something positive, and we don't associate blood as something positive. And period is disgusting, just as "we girls" find morning boners and ballsweat disgusting. 

 

I think that a lot of these things has more to do with how you behave rather than what gender you have, and I feel like stuff like this judge us to be exactly the same. Just as much as the "boys" have a certain view upon a gender, so does those who stand against it, like Stevie Nicks. Which is just as wrong in my opinion. 

Clocks are probably one of my favourite things! And as I've decided in my dreamworld of getting my own flat, I'm going to have a wall filled with them. Different kinds but that still matches my taste ofc. 

 

 

I feel like drawing or painting something that has to do with Merlin. I usually don't draw fanart at all but I feel like I want to pay some kind of tribute to the show, but I don't know what to paint or draw, and considering that I'm awful at portraits I don't really feel like drawing any realistic faces. 

 

I have done something regarding Merlin before. Though not really the show, but a fanfiction about the show that I really liked because of the nature of the story. It was a modern day fic where magic still existed but you weren't allowed to use it, in facs, they took it away from you using a kind of metallic bracelet that is magically inserted into your skin on your wrist. They called it to "clip" people and the person who had had this happen to them were called "the clipped" and were looked down upon. Some people even found ways of using this metallic thing to gain control over the people and use them as some kind of slaves. Most of these people were homeless or lived in certain shelters. Very interesting, at least I thought so. And I drew my own version of what I thought the bracelet may look like. 

 

Now I want to draw something that actually had something to do with the show though.. but yeah. I don't really know what. So.. help?

 

 

You know, I have a real weakness for Tim Burton and his work, it seems he could do no wrong in my eyes since every movie he's ever made and that I've ever seen has shot straight to the heart for me. I believe it started with The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) which was one of my favourite films as a kid, I even remember us having it on one of those laserdiscs and apparently I used to call the movie "the pumkin" considering I didn't know the actual name. I was only little, after all. Since then (and with Edward scissorhands ofc) I've just been completely besotted! 

 

This movie wasn't any different. It had its Tim Burton charm in the animation (similar to the animation design used in Corpse Bride. Also, the main charactar in both films is called Victor!), it was in black and white so even though it actually was a quite lovely story it had its darker side to it, like a dark sort of romance. The making a sort of happy story so dark is one of the many things I love about this film and Tim Burton over all. (May I also mention that the whole Disney intro itself made me slightly impressed).

 

I know that Tim Burton has a tendency to reuse a lot of actors and co-workers, as he did in this movie. For one he once again used Danny Elfman for the movies soundtrack, which is something he shouldn't stop doing because for some reason, I don't think it would have the same effect without his music, it's simply brilliant for the works of Tim Burton. And this time Winona Ryder made another appearence, as she has before in for example Edward Scissorhands (1990) and Beetlejuice (1988). 

 

I'll admit that I did cry to this movie. I do have a soft spot for dead animals (which is not a spoiler considering the film is about dead animals rising from the dead).

The second dream I'm gonna tell you about was in fact the first one I dreamt (or not really I dreamt about being in different sets of my bedroom and trying to wake up in the right one before this)

 

Anyways..

I am being chased, I know this quite early in the dream. Possibly by some kind of maffia people or other criminals but I don't remember why. I also don't remember much of the chase atm other than some of the people that helped me (my classmate Emil and his girlfriend were two of them). Oh, I remember taking someone hostage, a very short guy who we turned out treating like a kid, but he escaped at a coffee shop and that's when we fled to the farm.

 

But I remember arriving with these people at a farm in pretty much the middle of nowhere, and my mum's family was there, I think it was my aunts place, and there are ponies running around everywhere (I remember because later I ride on one and it talks to me, and it knows cool tricks). 

 

Anyways, it was some kind of a party, or it seemed like it, and I was always being nervous about them finding me or shooting me through a window or something like that, I could sense that they were there, more or less. And Emil told me to relax all the time because "there was no way they could find us out here". 

 

The next thing I remember is being inside, with a few people from my family (the group of people I arrived with being outside). And outside I see a bar carried by two hospital people and a girl (that I def know) laying with her face practically burnt and cut right open and I look over to where the group of people I knew was and there was a huge fire, some people was lying down possibly hurt and the rest ran around panicked trying to figure out what to do. And I couldn't believe how I didn't notice anything before this. And I felt so guilty for putting them through this (specially the girl with the completely destroyed face) but at the same time being too scared for my own sake to let them go. 

 

That fire did seem to be more or less the end to it though, because I don't seem to have seen them again. (or wait, maybe I did right before I "woke up" in the other dream, I think so, because I felt relieved when I notice the other people and somewhat knew that they weren't there anymore). But when the horse wanted me to ride him at the end I remember still being worried but thinking that "this horse is too quick, it'll be hard for them to shoot me know". What scared me in this dream was first and foremost how real it felt, I felt all the worry and everything throughout this and once again I had that terrifying feeling of not being able to escape. The second thing that scared me was how unaware everyone seemed to be about the situation, even after the fire and the cutting Emil seemed calm like fuck and acted towards me like he didn't understand what I was fuzzing about. 

 

Ugh.. I hope I never experience these kind of dreams again, I hate it. I actually really drew a long sigh of relief when I eventually woke up from the second dream because that was just really unpleasant. (would probably make a good sci-fi novel though, I know I'd read it)

 

And i'm gonna start telling you about the second one because that's the one that's freshest in my memory. 

I start out in a house, kind of like a daycare center of some sort, and people start welling in, people I've known before because all the faces are familiar, specially one girl but now I can't remember who she was. They notice quite fast that I'm not actually from around here and I notice myself that this is actually a totally different time, possibly a future and that we don't seem to be on earth anymore (although everything looks the same). I also notice something slightly off with the people. They're always happy or atleast they seem to be, and they lack understanding of most things. Like they're retarded of some sort. And they all want to come near me all the time with sharp objects whether it was their teeth or a fork or anything like that. 

 

I get it explained to me that these people have all had a surgery either recently or as a child, which is that they make three cuts on both sides of their brain suposebly to make them calmer and happier (and easier to manipulate) and the reason they all want to come near me is because they want to do the same thing to me. I refuse ofc, I didn't sleep while I was there and everytime I sat close to someone, specially the girl, I cupped my ears. 

 

I remember somewhat trying to make them understand that this surgery that they're doing is not a good thing, and i'm telling them about where I come from and about science fiction to make them get a new kind of hope. Since I knew some of the people and at one time, KISS was there, although it didn't seem like they actually played anything, I got the idea that it was history reusing people, or maybe that it was just that it was another planet. An alternative universe of some sort.

 

I met my teacher at one point, a mostly sarcastic and jokingly kind of guy, funny and almost a little mean at times. And he was telling me a story about a photo with a bunch of people on with glasses, the picture was blurry and my teacher explained that it was taken through his old glasses that they were there to change. He was scaringly serious about it, considering how I knew him before. 

 

Then I also met Mimi Smith (John Lennon's aunt who brought him up), she was old when I met her and I noticed quite fast that she hadn't had the surgery, probably because it was after her time. Like me, she didn't seem to keen about it. So I ask her about John, ask if he's had the surgery. And she answered me "They clipped him as a child". She seemed sad about it too, like it was something she really regretted and I nodded along, agreeing with this sadness before I said "It feels like I know him from a different time". And I remember her agreeing to that, like she knew more about the situation or that she knew about where I came from. (May I also point out that it didn't seem like anything became of John, I never met him in the dream but Mimi's reactions seemed to say that she knew what he could of been but considering that he had been cut stupid, those things couldn't happen anymore, all in all, the beatles never got the chance to exist)

 

And then I wake up. And I've never been so revealed about waking up.

Now when I think about it, I also remember meeting my dad and telling him about "being stuck in a dream" and that I couldn't wake up, so in the dream I was aware that it was in fact a dream, but I couldn't get out of there. I don't remember if my dad had done the surgery I never got a hint of that. 

I think i've found my new favourite culture! Psychedelia (Mind-manifesting, apparently)!

 

The Psychedelic culture is awesome!

Even though this colourful and surrealistic culture came out of hallucinating drugs I can't help but fall right in love with it. And I love it just because of the colours and the surreal nature of it, both in music and picture. 

I remember in the beginning of my Beatles explorations when I found songs like Because and Lucy in the sky with diamonds, and I remember telling my mum about them making me feel like I'm on drugs without actually having to drug myself. Well that's what I think is so amazing with psychedelia, the whole idea of feeling all of what was great about the drugs at that time and not actually having to poison my body in the process. 

I never did think I'd like colours so much like in this subject. I always did have a thing for Surrealism though, ever since I had to do a presentation on Salvador Dali. This is also one of the reasons to why I actually like movies like Yellow Submarine and Magical Mystery Tour (MMT was quite hated for not actually making any sense, but for me that's quite alright, it doesn't have to make sense to be enjoyable). 

 

And how wonderful is it that some of the greatest bands just happen do have something to do with this culture. It's bloody brilliant! (some people who read this might know that I'm currently in class, but I'm actually doing a work regarding to this culture so I'm actually doing what I should be doing ;))

 

 

 

I swear this songs explains me. It always comes to mind whenever I'm with my friend Rebecca, cus you see, she's always in a hurry, and for me who could easily just relax and do nothing it's annoying and I make sure to tell her that everytime it happens ;) Although, since me alone can't change her it just ends up with me walking a bit behind and softly humming this song to myself. 

 

This one also really explains my response to whenever my mum feels like it's really important for me to wake up early on a day off, when really.. I spend most of my mornings in a half alseep state and I have very pleasent dreams by that time so why do I have to wake up? 

 

 

So.. Watched "Island"

I'm now adding "Slighty behind", "Murderous" and "Incest" to the list of Colin's acting checklist. Geezus that movie was a lot to take in.

WARNING, SPOILERS AHEAD!
He played Calum, a boy who seemed a bit retarded but who loved stories and to collect the treasures of the sea. A girl comes to stay at his mums place (who has cancer, btw) and he eventually falls in love with her and snogs her (for a moment in the "snogging"-scene it looked like he was going to rape her, I kept chanting "no!" throughout the scene, I can't have Colin rape someone, obviously..). The girl turns out to be there on a quest to find out who her family is (Calum and his mum), and she tries to ruin the mother's life by turning her son against her, whether by seduction or hopeless dreams (she uses both). In the end the mother finds out about her once lost daughter and all hell breaks loose between mother and daughter, which leads to Calum getting angry at his mum and killing her. May I also add that I hate the main character so much (the girl)

 

 

So, all since Merlin ended I've been dying to see Colin Morgan in something else. Since he was a new actor when he starred in Merlin there's unfortunately not much to find. Before this I saw him in Doctor Who as a typical sarcastic emo dude called Jethro, and before that in a Catherine Tate comedy skit where he played the gay man John "have-you-heard-about-our-John" Leary. 

 

So to say that I was excited when I stumbled upon a featured film with him as one of the leading roles, is an understatement. And not only is it a cosy little Irish/Finish indie film, it's a bloody good one at that! 

It moved me in all the right places! 

 

I'd also like to say how bloody weird it feels to see Colin in this kind of role, when you're so used to the kind and goofy Merlin, but he does a great job of it, absolutely. Soon he's played all the typical roles an actor could play (comedy, drama, wizard, drug addict, typical-teenager, gay and cross-dresser (in Merlin))

 

In, 2011 he starred in another movie called Island, but I have yet to see that one. I'm hoping that it'll be as good as this.